My daring exploits and misadventures; and the grace of a benificent cosmic force

This post was hard to title! And it's all about how absolutely giddy I feel at having met pretty, pretty, smart, funny, and also pretty Alice.

Perhaps it was my elusive reference to the potential presence of corpses on my desk that persuaded the delightfully undead Alice that a meeting could reveal additional macabre common ground. Here's what she got to learn about me in the brief time span that commuter transit allowed me in the city:

• you might as well factor in at least twenty minutes for Jill's propensity to fuck up on the MTA
• It's worth five minutes' amusement watching me attempt to open the child-safe gate at the playground
• You know how crass I can be on the blog? There's nothing that I would say here that I wouldn't say aloud in the middle of a playground, with eleventy dozen children listening.
• My ability to distract and redirect another person's child (being rusty on the whole toddler thing) ranks on approximately the 67th percentile
• Also being rusty on the toddler thing, I apparently have forgotten that a cookie handed to a child has an 85% likelihood of hitting the ground within twelve seconds, thus instigating The Drama Of The Found And Lost Cookie that might have been averted if I hadn't had the brilliant notion to set the dharmic wheel in motion by offering the cookie in the first place
• Happily, Alice and I share a similar jurisprudential framework for the Five Second Rule of bacterial contamination.

And here's what I learned about Alice:

• Pretty pretty pretty lady!
• Fun fun fun!
• She hugs on first meeting. The whore!
• You and I come from completely different worlds. Ahahhahhahahahah. So not.
• However much you think you will like someone just from her blog and email correspondence, it's possible to like her even more when you do finally meet her.
• She's coping with being a toddler's mom better than I did, and although Henry charmed the thong off me (no, not literally--jebus, what are you thinking??), I conclude that I'm on the whole okay with only doing that particular phase of my life just once.
• Those sex parties? Totally all they are cracked up to be.

And here's what I learned about Henry:

• Bedroom eyes to die for.
• Born to flirt.
• Suspicious of foods with things embedded in them--i.e. precociously wise. Eventually he'll catch on about chocolate chip cookies, though. Every rule needs its exception, dude.
• No lie, he really can do it himself--so do not mess with him. You have been warned.
• An excellent cook; also, can fashion an impromptu tabletop zen garden out of a saucer, a packet of sugar, and a sprinkling of salt and sugar--i.e., precociously resourceful.

So there you have it: two bloggers meet; fall in love; run away together; then come to their senses; return; agree never to tell their husbands about what transpired; and part, with tears and hugs, at the subway station. And it all occurred within approximately 100 minutes. There's a story for you! My name is Jill and I have approved this ad. Alice, of course, may disavow it entirely.

Comments

[anne]

aww. that's terribly sweet. internet love stories! and now we have Some Knowledge that alice is a real person and not, like, some plain layne thing. unless she got you to lie for her. or if you're made up, too... hmm.

[alice]

Wait, I met you? In person? I don't know--the last thing I remember is I was reading an email from you, and this purple mist began seeping out from the vents in my computer; the next thing I remember, I'm lying on the floor of Magnolia Bakery, covered in frosting.

But hey! If you say we had fun!

Can you talk more about how pretty I am? I found that part of your post especially entertaining. Seriously, now, why don't you talk about your OWN prettiness? It's a good thing we could be pretty together because if you weren't pretty I would have been SO OUT OF THERE. Not Henry, though. Henry loves him the ladies, no matter what they look like. I'm glad you found him entertaining and not a brutal despot. And I'm glad you liked me, too! Even though we are from two utterly different worlds.

[MelissaS]

I totally knew she was going to lure you into the sex party scene. You were roofied by Alice weren't you....

I'm just hiding my green envy that a) you live close enough to NYC to visit for the day and b) you go to go to a sex party with Alice.

Also, Alice hugs on first meeting....she's way cooler than me. I don't even hug on 50th meeting.

[Mir]

I am now struggling to remember if I hugged you this summer. If I didn't, I will! Next time! Don't love Alice more than meeeeeee even though she is totally cooler!!

[zeno]

I threw a sex party once, nobody showed. It worked out ok for me though.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Next time I come east we're having a three-way. Deal?

[Summer]

Jill, Alice, I want you both to know that my brother (the scientist!) recently told me that the Five Second Rule has been officially validated by science. Yes, science says it's ok! (As if mothers of toddlers would care. If it prevents a tantrum, I'd probably let him eat a Marlboro packet.) And just so you know that my brother is a Real Live Scientist, I offer the proof that he is featured this month in the highly acclaimed scientific journal "Ranger Rick". They picked up a story about his Very Important Scientific Experiment of glueing toupees on the top of decorator crabs. I am very proud.

I'm also extremely, extremely jealous that you got to meet Queen Finslippy, and that she met the Jilbur. I'm going to have to move somewhere much cooler than DC in the hopes that the blogworld princesses will want to come visit me.

[alice]

That's what I told Jill! I knew I read that somewhere. Thank you, Summer.

DC isn't so far. You'll have to come up here. For the you-know-what kind of parties.

[Philip]

Mindy is going to be soooo jealous.

[Mindy]

Now you HAVE to cyber with me, you slutticious slut. You make me so hot. Slut.