Century Jill

Inspired by a recently-executed excellent performance in this genre, I give you my one hundred:

1. A significant number of people who meet me, hate me at first sight—
2. But then love me later.
3. And that beats the reverse—right?
4. Still, I scare some people (wusses).
5. People who aren't scared of me don't understand why anyone would be scared of me.
6. My husband was never scared of me.
7. Some of the people whom I scare refer to me as 'intense.'
8. They mean it as a euphemism for I-don't-know-what ...
9. However I admit I am somewhat intense.
10. I am an outrageously talented cook and baker.
11. I started cooking when I was nine years old.
12. I have the world's best friends.
13. I am overwhelmingly social.
14. When I am with friends, I can't pay attention to anything else.
15. I talk a great deal;
16. But I make up for it by being wonderfully entertaining.
17. My husband is, I think, the only person in the world with whom I am ever content to be quiet.
18. The third toe of my left foot is smaller than the fourth one.
19. My hair is more than 50% white,
20. under the hair dye.
21. I leave a chunk of white hair on the right, in front, undyed.
22. I did this initially because it showed up so fast after dye jobs.
23. However now I'd say it's an affectation.
24. I am vainer than you.
25. I am oh so very vain.
26. I know the difference between 'vain' and 'conceited.'
27. I'm not conceited.
28. I don't think I'm extraordinarily good-looking.
29. However I doubt that anyone shudders at the mere sight of me.
30. On the topic of 'vain': I have a synnovial cyst on my right wrist.
31. It's not a big deal, but because I'm vain it appalls me.
32. I do think I'm pretty clever.
33. I don't think I'm as clever as other people appear to think I am, though.
34. I've been told that I don't suffer fools lightly.
35. It wouldn't occur to me to 'suffer fools' at all, so I suppose they're right.
36. If I get caught up in an idea, I can talk about it quite unselfconsciously and with great enthusiasm,
37. Which leads others to the mistaken presumption that I'm sure I'm right.
38. In fact, I'm quite certain that I'm often wrong.
39. This doesn't disturb me in the least.
40. I do not share womankind's rapt fascination with shoes.
41. Almost all my shoes are black.
42. This is the result of a failure of imagination rather than a fashion statement.
43. I usually forget to put on earrings.
44. Apart from earrings and a watch, I have little interest in jewelry.
45. I care a great deal about spiritual matters.
46. I don't think that being 'spiritual' excludes having a sense of humor.
47. I have an unbridled, obscene sense of humor.
48. Also, I have a potty mouth and an indecent imagination.
49. I gave up cigarette smoking in July of 1991.
50. I smoked for eleven years.
51. I love coffee, oh so much.
52. But only truly excellent coffee.
53. I drink my coffee dark with cream, no sugar.
54. I prefer fruit desserts over other desserts.
55. My favorite fruit dessert (that I make) is pear upside-down cake.
56. I prefer white wine to red.
57. I say this although I abjectly fear the contempt of my oenophile friends.
58. I have a distressing talent for doing mighty little.
59. I am a bottomless pit of neediness,
60. And a tremendous attention-suck.
61. I never doubted that I could be a good mother.
62. I wish I were a better mother, however.
63. I like to play cribbage, but haven't played in many years.
64. I can knit and embroider and make simple wire jewelry and other crafty things.
65. I am untidy.
66. I love cleanliness.
67. I am fiercely loyal.
68. I have a tender heart and strive to be kind.
69. I loathe reality TV and I do not watch it.
70. I like to watch baseball on television, however.
71. Although I root for "my" team, strictly speaking, I am not a fan of my team.
72. Rather, I am a fan of the game.
73. I do not believe that my team's adversaries 'suck.'
74. I haven't got the slightest notion of landscaping,
75. and I'm no genius at interior decoration, either.
76. So although I'm a homeowner, I don't feel as though I'm a 'proper' one.
77. I feel guilty that I am not acquainted with most of my neighbors.
78. I am an underachiever.
79. I don't give a rat's heiner anymore about the whole notion of a 'career.'
80. However I need to work outside the home for social reasons.
81. I sometimes feel pangs that I'm such a late bloomer.
82. Still, I feel grateful for my whole life, including all of my fuck-ups.
83. Did I mention that I have the world's best friends? I do. It bears repeating.
84. If I love you, I will always love you.
85. If I don't love you, I will nonetheless try to help you if I'm called upon.
86. Although I love literature, I seem to own more nonfiction than fiction.
87. I thought I'd end up living in a city.
88. I am very surprised to have found myself in the suburbs,
89. and even more surprised that I don't think it really matters all that much.
90. I don't have a favorite color.
91. I am a middle child of three girls.
92. I'm ashamed that I can take pleasure in speaking ill of others (so long as it's funny).
93. If you want to knock me senseless with joy, compliment my writing.
94. If you want to indulge my rapacious desire for flattery, compliment my eyes or my rack.
95. If you want to puff me up so much I'll be absolutely insufferable, laugh at my jokes until you weep.
96. I didn't realize until I started my blog how much I wanted to write.
97. Now I can't imagine a life without writing, and without lots of people reading it.
98. I feel that wonderful changes are afoot in my life,
99. Which is a little intimidating;
100. However I am ready—probably.

Comments

[Suzyn]

I think your writing is often lyrical and usually funny, your taste in music and books excellent and, even though I've never met you, I could tell through the internet that you have a bodacious set.

[Summer]

Thank you for numbers 26-29. I'd never thought of putting the two words side by side, though I know the definitions of both "vain" and "conceited". Like you, I consider myself very vain but not conceited. I know I'll never be mistaken for a supermodel, but I've got at least a little something going on, and I want to be the best and most beautiful me I can be. And I want you (meaning every human on the planet, and certain intelligent and respectful great apes) to think I am beautiful. If I was conceited, perhaps I wouldn't be quite so eager for affirmation of my charms.

Are you vainer than I am? I don't know. I do think you're a better writer.

However, I can't possibly compliment your rack without seeing it. Don't just tease us, post a picture.

[Jo]

People, I've seen the rack. It is as promised.

And you're a breathtakingly good writer.

(What do I win?)

[susan]

Thanks to The Leery Polyp (via Chez Miscarriage), here I've found another set of alarmingly bright women, blogging and commenting away - saying out loud (or writing out loud, if that's possible) all the naughty things I only dare to think. Imagine this - until a few months ago I'd never even heard the term "blog." You're my new favorite. I look forward to spending my day going back and reading as many of your posts as I possibly can without my boss catching me.

[kate]

YOU! You're an amazing writer. You're the blogger's blogger. The essence of bloggitude. A stranger introduced, appreciated then loved in only 100 or so sentences. Wish I could do that in a book.

[Lee]

Not one single comment about liking words. I'm disappointed. OK, not really.

[elswhere]

I love this.

[little sis]

you may not care about shoes but you are a beauty product junky like me. I didn't know you prefered white over red, so do I. I also prefer fruit desserts, tart tatin the most. I think your incredibly beautiful but I am not complete impartial. And now I know why you got so excited when I said you butt look amazing.
All my life I have ALWAYS been amazed by all of your talents. And although it might not have seemed so I have ALWAYS admired and looked up to you. But your writing has completely blown me away!!!
thank you for sharing. xxoo

[Amber]

Nope, it's got to be red... Oh and, NIIIICE rack ;)

[EleGrandosa]

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