okay, okay--so it isn't funny

I really didn't mean to offend. This is just a defense maneuver.

It's entirely possible that no one stopping by really wants to know how much this is sucking right now. I just got the second dose of methotrexate this morning--it's making me dizzy. sleepy and nauseated. Tomorrow I go back for another shot that reverses the methotrexate, and the doctor let his voice drop into threatening mode about the dire effects of not getting the reversal, something about my bone marrow and becoming a Gumby. So hey! no arguments from me! Back I go.

Then, I wait a week to spill more blood, to find out if the hcg drops as it surely must now, but: see mordantly witty metaphors in the previous post to know my mood about that. However they tell me that the second dose always works--almost always, that is.

So you see: not really so Salt Water Taffy and Kick The Can, after all.

Comments

[Jo]

My un-Gumby girl, it is so very not funny, so dark and awful and sad and scary. And yet there are those of us out there who brandish little sticks at the darkness, with our macabre jokes. It's a coping mechanism, valid as brownies.

Please, please, be gentle with your much-beloved tired sick dear self. Anybody who'd have the audacity to be offended at an expression of grief can, if I may be indelicate, cram it with a sharp stick.

[Suzy]

Offend away, girlie. Don't apologize, don't regret, don't drink until all those drugs are out of your dark-humoured self. And then get shiiiiiiiit-faced. A hangover kills a lot of brain cells that would otherwise be occupied with sorrow.

[Melissa]

I wish we were sharing a now 'okay' cocktail right now.

Hang in there and don't get all gumby...so unbecoming.

[Kendra]

No one here is offended, sweetie. We are hurting and crying and trying to see the light right along with you.

[AnneWhtney]

Really don't worry about offending anyone - it's called coping and it's a good thing. And do take care.

[Jodi]

You didn't offend me. You are going through something most infertiles have already been through and handling it your own way.

I am so very sorry.

[OliviaDrab]

It does suck. It is bad enough to lose a pregnancy, but worse when you have to endure methotrexate and its effects. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

[Julie]

Dear Jill,

I love you. I do.

Signed,
Inappropriate humor is my only coping mechanism

[Suzy]

Jodi, infertiles? Gack! That sounds like a word from Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale. Let's not describe ourselves based on our ability to reproduce. That's a foocking slippery slope.

[getupgrrl]

I'm so sorry, my friend.

[JJ]

Sorry to hear this is happening. I'll be thinking of you.

[alice]

You keep telling us exactly how much it's sucking, if that's what you want. We'll keep on reading. Much, much love.

[Lindsey]

I'm really sorry you have to go through this...I know from firsthand experience that it sucks.

[Lee]

Is Howie getting something doen that will make him like Pokie?

[Sonetka]

Been offline for quite a while, came back, and - oh hell, I am so damned sorry. I remember you were so nice to me last April when I had my nasty miscarriage, and I am truly sorry that a situation has unfolded where I need to return the favour (if that makes any sense...I'm not trying to be offensive). Thinking of you like crazy right now...