Hope they have DSL in the underworld ...

Hello. I'm in Hell! What do you think of that!

But I may get a reprieve or a pass out, tomorrow, when I get my test result, and I don't know precisely when that will be, but I will update the blog as soon as possible when I find out what is going on, since my pelvis is mum on the subject. Suffice to say that if anyone was led to believe by my little dharma lesson that I have been anything less than a literally bloody mess today, then the more fool you I say.

Here's the problem with me and dharma: a dharma path really requires practice. By which I mean, a sitting practice. And by this I mean, you know, meditation. And in fact theoretically my study is also a meditation room, in that I have a cushion, and an extremely simple shrine consisting of a very small plain table with a pretty green mirrored and embroidered Indian cloth on it and a teensie (2.5" high?) Buddha statue, just a focal point, not a fetish. Also, a supply of some nice, subtle incense, which I use kind of as a timer.

Theoretically. Only I think it's been over a year since I actually sat.

The reason that the sitting practice is crucial is that it's exercise. Being personally devoted to dharma, in the sense of believing that this wisdom really will potentially help wake you up, will ease your suffering and the suffering of others you touch, and learning about this wisdom from others, and just reflecting on it as things arise--these are all to the good. But to expect that you're really going to get a lot of awakening only from that--it's kind of like thinking that if you just read every existent book about fencing, you're bound to get a spot on the Olympic fencing team. (Is there an Olympic fencing team? I am sooo not going to fact-check that.) Meditation strengthens the mind, and eventually from that strength what you think you know, becomes what you deeply know, and from there I think the dharma actually works in your life. My mind has been practically on bed rest lately. I am very, very close to making a commitment to resume my practice.

Comments

[jenB]

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. While I am not sitting on a cushion. Well, unless couch cushions count. Actually, I did buy a meditation cushion so I could sit on the floor with the baby and not get assnumb.

I will be sending some seriously (!) positive energy to you. starting.... now.

[Julie]

There is an Olympic fencing team. Now go exercise that ass.

And best of luck with the bloodwork results, nice lady.

[Mir]

If I could be there (which I can't, which is probably good since I sense you would smack any intruder, no matter how well-meaning, at this point), I'd bring some wine, chocolate, and goofy movies. But the meditation thing sounds good, too. ;)

Keep on hanging on. *hugs*

[Lee]

Does that commitment involve sleeping? I think it'd be good if it did.