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Wednesday, 02 June 2004



Dahling, they have drugs for that now. Uptake inhibitors or downlow exhibitors or whatever they're called. They're the cat's meow. I know.


Yeah, drugs are good, sometimes. ;)

So are volunteer activities, hanging out with existing friends or making some new ones, or just venting once in a while.

We can take it. ;)


Hey, you cut that Shins song off before the next line, which is:

"the selfless, loving saints we are"

So there.

Okay though. Time to get real.

Now you can pretty it up with all the jokes you want, friend, but I know depression, and I'm beginning to think it knows you. In the Biblical sense.

I've been watching you, my dear, and you've been building up to this nasty little thought-circle that's all about beating yourself up until you're miserable, then beating yourself up more for feeling so miserable. I've been there. You need something to jolt you out of it, and I don't know what that something is for you.

For me it was Zoloft, twice, and then insulin regulation via low-carb diet and metformin (obviously that's me-specific, although simple carbohydrates will crash anyone. Really). Exercise and sunlight are helpful too, and that's clinically speaking. I am not ashamed I need antidepressants. Because I needed them to live; I needed them like vitamin C. Why get scurvy, huh?

I beg of you, don't play this game with your brain, where you list all the reasons you have no right to be depressed. You might as well tell me I have no right to be insulin resistant. Might as well tell my husband he has no right to have toenail fungus. You see what I'm getting at.

So. I am here for you, but I have to be straight with you: I see something developing, a Perfect Storm of self-loathing tendencies and isolation and major life changes, and dammit, I can't fix it for you, much as I wish I could. But I can be here when you need some quality cappucino time.

And quit chugging the Hate-orade. Have some love instead, courtesy of Jo.


I hope you feel better soon, I know those days. Oh yeah and if you don't want to get drugs, St, John's Wort does a pretty good job too!


Your pattern seems to occur about every four weeks - is it a bird, is it a plane, is it PMS?

Hugs to you, Jill.


I'm familiar with this phenomenon. What I like to do is load up a truck with all my issues and send them across cyber space to a very nice woman named Jill.

I go through this myself in cycles...is it PMS? I don't know. Sometimes it seems to last too long to be PMS but then other times the fog does lift after my visitor leaves. Great example. For the last two weeks my house has seemed like a small torture chamber. Everywhere I looked there was clutter and dirt and no matter what I got done, there was more to do. Simple tasks like folding laundry made me dream of running away.

Now this week....my house seems tolerable, even though I've done nothing different.

I don't know if you're suffering with depression, even in a mild form. Hell, I don't know if I'm suffering with it. I took zoloft for almost two years and only went off it last summer. I may go back on. Who knows. It's always an option.

Beating yourself up for having feelings isn't. So stop being so mean to Jill, okay? God!


Regardless, we love you. These things happen and most things in life are cyclical in nature. But a previous comment was right - there are drugs. Even legal ones!


I still don't see what your basement has to do with your injection.


I second what Jo wrote, my dear. I know whereof I speak, as well. Having been there, the cyclical self-bashing has a familiar ring to it. I say, go to a psychiatrist, talk to him/her about your feelings, see what he/she has to say. I have someone here in NYC I can highly recommend. She's nuts, as all good psychiatrists are.


I have a theory which, if I hang my hat on it, makes me feel marginally better when I take on of the many exits for self loathing from the autoroute of mediocrity. It is this, "talented and smart people always question their value" therefore, as I am questioning my value I am talented and smart QED.

Kid, I think you're a brilliant writer and I look forward to your public displays of brilliance. I enjoy you and I feel a certain kinship (though this may well just be my barely subconscious desire to acquire brilliance by hanging out with brilliant people... hence my obsession with Mindy!).

Anyway, if you would like something else to occupy your mind while sitting around hating yourself, give me an e-mail... I am trying to kickstart an e-zine of sorts and would appreciate having more brilliant people involved...


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