Contemplating kennelling the family pet

This little household companion through which I squooge together loving messages to you all? An early model iMac. Grape, to be precise. I am very cautious about typing anything critical about my adorable electronic pet on its keyboard, because I'm convinced that it will get even with me in a self-destructive fit of pique and piss all over its own motherboard or something. But the fact is, I don't love this family member so very much sometimes. For one thing, it came with craptastic word processing--a horrible little 'do-it-all, do-nothing-well' package called AppleWorks, which is really (I believe) ClarisWorks in thin disguise. Whatever that is. MS Office it ain't, is all I'm sayin'. Documents created by this wonder could not be read on machines using Windows of any variety unless the creator had the presence of mind to convert it to .rtf, nor could MSWord docs be translated into it--fricking useless, and I got sick of having to remember to tell everyone to send me only .rtf files, and forever explaining what those were, and converting everything I wanted to send out likewise--so, in the end, I had to shell out $100 or so on the then-current version of MSWord for the Mac, the now-risible Word 98, and guess what? As of recently, translation on this version has crapped out across platforms also.

So I, who used to be a big Mac fan, have gone a little sour. But really my worst problem is my Bronze Age operating system, OS8.6. I find that machines with which my surly pet attempts to socialize are increasingly aloof, even disdainful. Their owners are constantly complaining that my pet does not support this or that sort of play that is the latest rage among the best machine sets. I am tiring of their endless snide remarks and chiding tones.

The final blow, though, was the utter failure of the current configuration to cope with Yahoo IM. Increasingly, it appears that asking me to forgo IM is like asking me to forgo the telephone, automobile and television combined. Yesterday one email exchange between myself and a very funny and talented friend amounted to IM via smoke signals.

So, I've started investigating an upgrade to OSX. Ohh, my heart started to beat when I saw that the latest version of it is a Panther! Surely all my electromagnetic woes will be speedily chased far, far away by the prowess of the Panther! However, the local 'puter gurus tell me that in order to do an upgrade of this magnitude, I'm going to have to leave the computer with them for three days. So, I've been stalling.

But I really think I ought to just suck it up and get this over with. Howie tells me I should do some kind of backup thingie. But I don't think I have time to print everything out in all my files .... hahahahaha. Just seeing if you were still paying attention. I have a disk on key, but it gets kind of squirrelly with the iMac, just like all the other devices in its life.

Anyway, as of ... soon ... I'll be a bit more limited in my general online ubiquity, as I'll be marginalized to moments when Howie leaves his computer long enough to go to the bathroom or something. But know that I still love you, and that Mommy always comes back.

Comments

[heather]

I have just forsaken my desktop after 6+ years. It was time to move on - the O/S was antique, the keyboard sticks when I hit shift and the fan is dying a slow death. Not to mention that trying to share it with a four year old was becoming tiresome. My new lappie arrived today. Now I can read blogs from the comfort of my couch. All hail the new lappie!

[Kendra]

Steve Jobs just demo'd Tiger today. It looks awesome. Kind of makes you hate to buy Panther, but it won't be released until early next year...

And, yes, I second the motion for a laptop. With AirPort. It has changed my life.

[jenB]

I converted to a reg-you-lar old pc a few years back, but i miss Macland. Switch over to Panther and let us know how it works. I want to do the same thing for my dad and his charcol iMac. We will miss you though.... who is making the switch for you? Some nerd i hope.

[myllissa]

My mom has an iMac, but blue. She is a desk top publisher and has added every little bit of add on you can buy and her computer still sucks. She thinks it doesn't, but it really does. I think you should get a Dell and put the old iMac out to pasture. Hope the transition to the Panther! goes smoothly. Let us know how that goes...maybe I'll recommend it to my mother.

[zeno]

Are you abso-lutely sure that your iMac will work OK with 10.3???

[Melissa]

If you get a Dell or any class of PC I can't be your friend anymore. I'll send those naked pictures of the barbies with the My Little Ponies to someone important.....and I promise, you are through!

It's not the mac that's the problem...it's the old (old in computer years anyway...annoying) computer that's the problem. If you had a pc it would age just as ridiculously fast.

Logan, you know my husband....who earns all the money...who does freelance design work on his home computer...you know, making more money for our family? He works on a very old Mac...it's a power pc and it's from 1996...and it has two hard drives in it from two different machines, it's like a frankencomputer.

Of course I, the lady who brings in an occasional $100 here and there, has a wireless iBook and I adore it. Adore it. Right now, I"m watching the kids in the pool and I'm typing this to you and I don't think it's right that you aren't doing the same.

It was a stupid thing to buy, really stupid...but I still can't say I regret it. I still love it.

[Chris]

Backup thingy? Important. Howie's got a point. And once you get an IM program up and running, let me know! Good luck with the upgrade.

[Mir]

Can I just offer my completely and totally 100% unbiased opinion here? Which is, you should do whatever you need to do to fucking get back on IM!!!!!!!!! But I only say this because I am thinking of you and your needs. Truly.

[Mindy]

Get yer ass back in touch. I cannot tolerate this business of you stalking Howie for a turn on his puter.

[Lee]

Will your computer come back painted black and have a greenish yellow glow around its...um...speakers? That would be cool.

[Genuine]

Um maybe a loaner is in order?