something shocking and kind of gross

Okay, this is not for the faint-hearted.

Did you know that children's teeth fall out, one by one, in childhood, and are eventually replaced by much larger ones? Isn't that just revolting? They wiggle around and there's all kinds of gaps and spaces, and they make funny sounds when they're wiggling, and--ugh!

I knew nothing about this when I signed up for the parenting thing. I'm told that this happened to me at some point, but I have my doubts--I have no memory at all of it--I suspect that it's an emergent development, probably caused by video games or something.

This horrific process has started to occur to my child, whose teeth I already liked just the way they were. She had been asking and asking me when her teeth were going to get loose, and I just hummed something and kept reading Allure until she changed the subject. The hygienist claimed that a couple of the teeth were a bit loose last time the Jellybean went for a checkup, but I thought they were just humoring her.

Eventually, though, I had to admit that one of the bottom teeth did seem a bit too mobile for something that is supposed to stay put and offer resistence to food. I figured that by the time she was a teenager it was definitely going to become a problem.

So while we were at the playground, way into some heavy-duty monkey bar training, I was a bit taken aback when the Jellybean suddenly gave a big Ow! after taking a swig from the water bottle. My tooth! I had a look--it was bleeding a bit and it seemed awfully ... er ... dynamic.

I drove her home, coaching her on the therapeutic application of a big wad of kleenex in self-extraction (something I didn't remember remembering) as I drove, and the Jellybean was moaning and groaning from the booster seat. When we got back, I gave her a couple of chewable ibuprofen and told her to give it at least 10 minutes to take effect. As I surfed in my study waiting for the drugs to kick in, she proudly walked in and showed me her new look ... In short order, the upper left incisor also started looking a little odd. In fact the Jellybean was looking kind of snaggle-toothed. This time the process seemed to get stuck in neutral. Friends at school started to comment on the unusual appearance of the crooked, half-detached tooth. Finally even I couldn't stand it any more--this time I did an assist. Ick. There was no blood--when I took a look at the inside of her tooth after taking it out, it looked black. Happily that turned out to be just a poppy seed.
But the really shocking part of this story is, these pix give a fairly realistic impression of the disgraceful lack of custodial care bestowed on our daughter's hair.

Comments

[Julia]

Awww! and Eeewww!

I trust she'll be relying on those back teeth for the foreseeable future.

[Lee]

ok...but what about the part with the money giving fairy? All good stories have a fairy...

[pam]

Yeah! I bet the tooth fairy pays extra, out of sympathy for the hair. :-)

[jilbur]

Oh yeah--I really want some beeyotch paying her for the tremendous privilege of totally grossing me out.

I keeed. Apparently you get extra for the first--hardship wages or something. She pulled in $2, the equivalent of folding two loads of laundry. She decided not to offer the fairy the 2nd tooth, because my MIL gave her a bizarre little tooth-shaped ceramic box in which to depost teeth that had fallen out of her mouth, and she really wanted to put it to use. Much like Eeyore putting the burst red balloon in the honeypot, in the 'putting something in a container for no apparent reason except the sheer joy of deposition into containers' sense.

[Tam]

um, maybe the MIL should have put some money in that ceramic box as well, since your daughter is now getting ROOKED of her rightful tooth fairy money! (it's also kind of weirdly evocative of dentures holders.)

btw, does La Kid know that the next set of teeth are keepers, not to be wiggled with kleenex?

[pam]

No no no, get this: MY kid has tricked the tooth fairy into giving her money but leaving the tooth!

[Melissa]

Even grosser than caring for your own child losing a tooth....ew.....is tending to a new playmates lost teeth.

Her friend has lost TWO teeth while visiting our house, once while we ate dinner! Blood everywhere, ew. Finally I had to lay it out, 'Listen, we like having you over but if you can't keep your teeth in her mouth, then you can't play at our house.'

As for the hair. Madison's hair is always kinked in back and crazy with the fly aways and I distinctly remember a teacher friend once telling me how she could always tell which kids were cared for at home by their appearance in the class.

I swear our kindergarten teacher must think I ignore my children. I'm surprised CPS hasn't been given a 'Crisis Hair Call'. I'd welcome the help at this point.

[Sciencechick]

Get this one....my little one was very, very late (7-8) in losing teeth and was so impatient that she made fake teeth from waded up tissues and put one under her pillow with the intention of tricking the tooth fairy. Of course the tooth fairy left her a lovely note telling her not to worry, that she was watching her closely and would be there just as soon as a tooth came out.

The worst part about the entire affair is that most of her teeth are coming in behind her baby teeth, necessitating extraction from the dentist each time. The score so far is natural:1, dentist:6. Well, at least I don't have to do it!

[Sweety]

I used to wiggle my lose teeth around too :) LOL

Where I live the tooth fairy doesn't exist. Sad isn't it.

[Chrissy]

Wait, you mean that the teeth fall out on their own, because other ones come in? I was like Sciencechick's child, my teeth would not come out, and I walked around with double rows. People called me sharky (because I'm a swimmer, too). And it took so long for them to come out that the enamel rubbed off and my teeth turned the colour of anything I ate. I guess that's just gross, though...

[dr. dave]

Even grosser than baby teeth falling out...

A group a British researchers has received a grant to study applications of stem cells for tooth growth. So far, it works in mice. Apparently in a few years, if an adult loses a tooth, they'll be able to pack a few stem cells down in the empty socket and A NEW TOOTH WILL JUST GROW THERE IN YOUR HEAD!!

Imagine for a minute what that might FEEL like.

Eek.

[grace]

The prospect of losing his teeth is causing Jax (6 next month) some major stress. I'm not looking forward to it either. Yeah it's gross, but kids looks so darn goofy while their new teeth come in. Weirds me out a little, especially when they force you to take a close up look because they're so proud. Thanks, but I'd rather NOT look at the gaping hole in your gums.