Regard all dharmas as dreams
I have been very in touch with loneliness for the past couple of days. Not feeling friendless or isolated or lacking in something that could actually be named; just fundamental loneliness.
This is the loneliness I think many women feel at some point in labor (well, I did), when you notice that, irrespective of how supported you may feel, somehow you are the only one in the room who is in labor.
Most times in my life, I pretty much run screaming from it. Compulsive telephoning is but one manifestation. But fundamental loneliness comes with you. It's true that you can distract yourself from it, but that only increases the sense of 'a problem' underlying.
This time I'm experimenting with making friends with loneliness. It's the only companion I can be 100% sure of through life, and once you realize that it doesn't mean that something is 'wrong', it's a bit easier to relax into it.
Loneliness is a good friend of mine. She ain't so bad, really, once you get to know her. When was the last time you spent any time in solitude? Not meditating, not driving somewhere? Solitude helps with loneliness, I think. Meet it head-on, in a big bear-hug.
You are making me think of another vintage U2 song -- "Whoa oh-oh, she is a refugee..." sings an impossibly young, fresh-faced Bono, all for you, my dear.
Posted by: Jo | Monday, 15 March 2004 at 01:56 PM
eh, I was more thinking Fugees or possibly 'yeh DON'T ... HAVE ... t'live like a refu-gee' (is that Tom Petty or am I losing it?) But bring Bono on. I'll wipe the shades off his pretty, politico-hip face and plant one right on 'im.
Chogyam Trungpa refers to 'cool loneliness,' as in, refreshing mountain stream of brewski-loneliness. I gotta check me out some of that action.
Posted by: jilbur | Monday, 15 March 2004 at 02:55 PM
Definitely. An unfamiliar yet nonthreatening outdoor location is an excellent place for a tryst with Solitude...
Posted by: Jo | Monday, 15 March 2004 at 03:01 PM
Interesting. I felt a flash of that same thing today, my son at daycare, me feeling kind of like, "what the hell am I doing here?"
But then I had sex. And that was nice.
For ten minutes.
Posted by: mollie | Monday, 15 March 2004 at 06:57 PM