A sh*tty attitude as an art form

Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment.
Today I haven't the slightest interest in being wise, or gracious, or patient, or optimistic. Why act in my own best interest, when I have an entire lifetime of spiting myself to live up to? If I had a dozen noses, by now I'd still have nothing but a hole in the middle of my face.

Here is a sample list of all the things I had managed to forget:

fact: until about 6 months ago I had no good grrrlfriends within easy driving distance for about six years;

fact: if we're cursed again with having our every wish granted, not only will I likely be stuck in an utterly alien and friendless place, but possibly with an infant in tow, for good measure;

fact: this time, whatever we get, it's probably what we're sticking with, for a long, long time.

Did I mention that we're doing all this on purpose? This is pretty well a replay of 1998, when my dh and I had this brilliant idea: Hey, how 'bout as soon as jilbur passes her qualifying exam, we go ahead and have a baby. Then SuperHusbandMan can finish his Ph.D. thesis over the course of that year, and get a job, we'll move, and then jilbur will write her dissertation, uh, when the baby is napping, that's it! Yeah, 350 miles from her department, advisors, library resources--no biggie!

Well, the result was predictably ... unsatisfactory in a number of ways (not all ways). We sorted it out eventually--but not before a substantial episode of the clinical depression variety intervened.

Flash forward 6 years. This time, I at least won't have some kind of enormous project in front of me ... but the basic outline is about the same. SuperHusbandMan (just in case anyone thinks I'm being facetious, he really is a mighty groovy guy) is making the big job transition; we're somehow envisioning a baby in the now-on-the-cusp-of-40 mix, but we have to move from the 'vision thing' to the, umm, less contemplative activity involved; and some kind of relocation will be happening. This time we have JellyBean as a more seasoned fellow traveller, and that ought to change the flavor considerably.

Comments

[Jo]

I read the story, and my first thought upon finishing it was:

God, was 1998 really six years ago?

Your big project this time can be settling in. I mean fully devoting yourself to wherever you go. I want you down on the corner by the cool coffee shop, handing out flyers and taking signatures for the I Want to Be Friends With Jilbur organization. JilPIRG, we'll call it.

Remember, transition is when everybody says, "Oh God, I can't DO this!" Or alternately: "Get it out! Get it out of me!" That's a metaphor, dude.

And maybe, just maybe, I too will be cursed with my deepest desires: nestled into the Blue Ridge, a friendly old bungalow full of wild monkey children, just a couple of hours away from you. We'll have chickens and four kids, so you'll have to come visit us, but you can stay in the guest yurt.

[Tam]

yyyyyyyYYYYO!

I am not hip enough to have my own blog, but I love that you now have one.

There is definitely some flux going on there. How about coming down to what I jokingly (and wistfully) call the "tri-state area"? We got cherry blossoms.

In the meantime, the mountain is coming to Mohammed in April.

Btw, I have that same beanie baby--it's name is Moo-Shu. [In Homeresque voice:] Mmmmmmm...moo-shu...

[mrbb]

I can completely understand! I've moved 4 times in 4 years. My problem is no matter how lonely and misrelable I am, I would never admit it to any of my family. "I'm fine", The truth is I hate for people to feel sorry for me, and I hate when people complement me too much because it feels to much like being patronized, but yet I want attention. Jezzzz, how ambivolent can a person feel.

[Sangita Gopal]

as i too face a big move, i realize i might need a blog to get me through this... better than making lists of things to do and lists of lists of things to do... and then abandoning them all to read a novel....or talk on the phone. it might be fun to write something other than ridiculous academic articles!!

isn't it funny that we are both moving the same fall?

i am a part of the mountain range that is coming to muhammed!

[Cam]

Whos JellyBean? and Howie your cool

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